It's Travel Tips Tuesday! Walking On Travels and I will sharing our best travel tips and we would love it if you would share your travel tips by linking up at the bottom of the post.
No matter where we travel, whether it’s around the block or around the world, people always comment on the size of our family. Sometimes it’s a long conversation, but more often it’s just a passing remark that reminds me (as if I forgot) that I have more than the standard number of children.
I get it, and I’ve mostly made peace with it. I understand that most people are just trying to make friendly conversation, and the most likely conversation starter is the thing that sticks out the most. And when you have four little boys following behind you like a line of ducks on uppers, there is no way that is not the most obvious thing. Occasionally, people use these comments as thinly veiled ways to pass judgment, and as much as I enjoy having my sex life, my fertility, and my parenting skills condemned all in one fell swoop, I could use little less of this drive by criticism.
If I were making wishes, I would love to have these comments stop all together, but it seems like there is no end in sight. So, let this serve as a public service announcement for those who will comment about my family size.
~Yeah, it's like that~
Please, people! If you are going to insist on commenting on one of the most private decisions of a person’s life, at least have the decency to use a little creativity. I just can’t hear one more “Boy, you have your hands full,” or “Don’t you know what causes that?” Boooo-rrrrring! Come on! You can do better than that!
I’ve heard them so many times that I have actually had a chance to work up a schtick to go along with each and every predictable comment the general public throws at us “fertile Myrtles.” I’m not generally one of those people that can come up with a witty comeback on the spot, so you need to know that this is a routine that I have perfected over years of being subjected to the same old phrases. Its part comedy, part “did you really mean to say that out loud” and all meant to keep me entertained. After all, with four kids, the most exciting part of most days is digging the cheerios out of couch. A girl’s gotta get her kicks somehow.
~When kids attack~
Also, fair warning: I have different comebacks depending on my mood, which, with amount of daily crazy I put with, is volatile at best.
Overused Phrase #1: You’ve Got Your Hands Full
The Happy Mommy Response: “Better full than empty or Yes, aren’t I lucky?”
The ‘Don’t Make Me Release the Winged Monkeys’ Mommy Response: “Yes. I’ll pay you to take just one home with you.” <said dripping with sarcasm>
Overused Phrase #2: Four Boys?!?!?!
The Happy Mommy Response: “Yes, aren’t I lucky!”
The ‘I’ve been in sixteen public restrooms and the kid still peed his pants’ Mommy response: “FOUR???? What happened to the other three?”
Overused Phrase #3: Don’t you know what causes that?
The Happy Mommy Response: <weak smile, and nod>’ cause there’s nothing you can really say that isn’t crass.
The ‘You know you just brought up sex with a total stranger’ Mommy response: “Yes, I know and we are obviously very good at it.
Overused Phrase #4: Are they all yours?
The Happy Mommy Response: “Yes, aren’t I blessed!”
The ‘My Ears are bleeding from all the noise’ Mommy Response: “Nah, I just think taking extra kids to the grocery store makes it more aerobic.”
Overused Phrase # 5: Were they all planned?
The Happy Mommy Response: “Yes, we always wanted a large family and we are so blessed to have all these boys.”
The ‘Please stop poking me’ Mommy Response: “Well, once we figured out what was causing it, we planned the last two.”
Overused Phrase #6: Were you trying for a girl?
The Happy Mommy Response: “No we just wanted to add to our family and we have been so blessed every single time.”
The ‘What kind of idiot makes such a backhanded remark in front of my kids’ Mommy response: “No, we were trying for a monkey, so we were thrilled when we got a little boy.”
Overused Phrase #7: How do you feed them all?
The Happy Mommy Response: Honestly, I never know how to answer this one. Are you asking if I can cook (I can’t) or if I can afford the food (I can, so far) or if they are eating everything in sight (they are)?
The ‘I just went to the grocery store yesterday and the pantry is empty’ Mommy Response:” I’ve found a square nosed shovel works best.”
Overused Phrase # 8: Was the last one a surprise?
The Happy Mommy Response: “No he was much wanted and we are so happy to have him!”
The ‘Hey that’s my baby you are talking about’ Mommy Response: “No, we just had a BOGO coupon from the hospital, so we figured, why not.”
Yes, I have heard it all. People really have said each and every one of these things to me too many times to count. And yes, I have said many of the crazy things on this list, but most of the time I just think them in my head because I’m a sweet southern gal and I don’t like to cause trouble. And also, most of the time, even on the days when I just want to pull my hair out from the noise and mess and bodily fluids, when someone asks me about my kids, all I can say is “Yes, I am blessed.”
"We were trying for monkey" hahaha! I don't understand what goes on in people's heads that they feel the need to make remarks and ask questions like these. Especially to a stranger!
Wow, I can believe the gaul of people to say these things to you! My aunt and uncle have four kids (two biological, two from Guatemala), and if you get these kinds of comments, I can't imagine what she gets! In any case, I hope that one day my red-headed husband helps contribute to some adorable red-headed children like yours! When he was young, he bore a striking resemblance to your second son, Evan… 😀
As a mom of four I can relate. As they are getting older people comment less, thanks goodness. When they were little I would find myself never making eye contact with people when out and about because too many people started conversations like these!
AGREED!!! When our fourth and fifth precious sweeties joined our family, I was SO proud when going out…ready for the world to coo over them as we did/do. Quickly I learned that we were to receive many ugly looks and weird comments/questions instead. Yuck. 🙁
So now I also employ the "just don't make eye contact" technique, and it works very well. No need for strangers to have the power to suck my joy!!! 🙂
I can relate to all of these questions. It is amazing how many people don't think before they talk. I have been asked questions like those you posted since I was pregnant with my third. I feel incredibly blessed to have my four precious ones even on those days when I want to hide in my room. I wouldn't trade them for anything.
Ha! I've totally used the BOGO comment concerning my twins. But even the comments I got when people saw me pregnant with two not-yet-2 year olds were ridiculous. "You went for it again? Are you crazy?"
I love this! I have one comeback to add…when people say something crazy to me about how many kids I have I will sometimes respond with, "When I find out who the father is, there's going to be hell to pay". Get's the funniest responses every time!
Phrase # 4: Back in the prehistoric era (1978) our family with three girls under 7 checked in to a hotel in San Francisco. We asked for a crib for the youngest to be brought to the room. When we got on the elevator a woman from housekeeping got on with us, bringing the crib. She looked us over , each child, and then said to me, with inflection, "Are ALL these kids YOURS? I looked around wondering what she saw that I could not. Even in California, I did not think three was many kids. After all, both my parents and my in laws had six.
At least your not in the phase when they all say remember when they were still young and so adorable – treasure the moments and thanks for sharing.
Even I get the "hands full" comment all the time and I only have 2! I use the "better full than empty" as my standard response.
We always respond to the "You have your hands full" comment with…"And so are our hearts!" 🙂
The things that come out of peoples mouths!! Shocking! Love your responses – good for you!
Believe it or not, as a mom of three, I've also heard many of these comments. My kids are all very close in age (3 kids in 3 years). When I was pregnant for my daughter I wanted to have a t-shirt made that said, "No, I am not a rabbit".
All your responces had me laughing. Some ppl just don't think before they open their mouths. I can't even tell you how many times I've had stranger tell me what grat childbearing hips I have. Usually be little old ladies.
HaHa… when they ask if we know what causes it we let them know, "Yes, we're obvioulsy pretty good at it and quie enjoy it. Thank you." They typically have no response after that. I feel you… I have heard all of these too. I love my 5 kids. 🙂
People just need to refrain from speaking all too often. I have a hard time responding to the "so when are you going to have a second?" I often respond "when the Lord chooses to bless us with a 2nd" But more often than not I want to say "We have sex all the time, aren't you glad I shared that with you?"
I look forward to this every Tuesday now. I hope I can get another tips post up by next week. But if you don't see me here next Tuesday, you know I got lazy.
Too funny! I like all of your responses.
Ha! Just so you know, I don't think 4 is all that big–I have 4. (But my sis has 8 bio kids.) And here is the kicker, in as much as these comments hurt you, imagine how the infertile passerby feels when she hears these insensitive comments? It's stinky. Particularly when they come from family.
I have two little boys and I would feel SO blessed if we doubled that. Can't think of anything lovelier than a family full of little boys (even if it is a loud, messy kind of lovely).
I'm not sure why so many people think it's appropriate to comment about how many kids a person "should" have. We only have one child (he's seven now) and frequently are asked by strangers why we don't have another. Or even told that we should, because it's not fair to him that we don't. It's really hard to respond nicely to those comments. We've been trying for about 6 years now to have another, so it's a sensitive issue for us already, even without those comments.
With a 4 year old and almost 2 year old triplets we get the hands-full comment all the time. My response is always, better full than empty. For many years we didnt know if we’d have ANY kids….empty hands stunk.
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I have 7 beautiful kids (5boys 2girls) and like you I have heard it all before my usual comebacks are-
Yes they all have same dad
Yes I owned a tv 3 infact or Yes but it seems I watched the wrong stuff.
Have you not heard the one I always have… Did you not have a television??? It drives me nuts. Plus I think the rudest of all is are they all by the same father? No 1 yes they are and no 2 how rude and it’s none of your business. I have 7 children 6 girls and a boy and because my son is the youngest everybody always assumes we “kept on trying for a boy” aaarrggghhh since when is it anybody else’s business? I know exactly how you feel I’m glad I found this post.
I’ve heard them all as well… thanks for the laugh!
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I have 4 boys too. There are 12 yrs between the first and second and fourteen months between the second and my twins. My twins are identical- you can image all the comments we have heard. “You aren’t going to have any more, are you??!!” ” Are they triplets?” “Which one is the ‘good’ one?” I could go on and on. People can be so rude.
I am pregnant with the third boy, and my oldest is 2 years old. A man at a grocery store told me: “boy you got your hands full, what in the world were you thinking!?” I honestly felt like punching him in the face. I am not planning, but would love at least 6 kids. I’m from a family of 8 kids, and my husband is from a family of 13. I just completely ignored him because obviously he had not thought about what he had said before he said that.
In response to the “you know what causes that” comment, I’ve responded, “No! We keep racking our brains, but we just can’t figure it out. We’ve narrowed it down to the well water and sausage pizza. Which do you think it is?”